Posted by: tlboehm | April 5, 2014

Are You a Victim?

My name is Tammy and I am a victim. When I was little my parents abused me. I need glasses in school and didn’t get them until I was a teenager because my parents were mean and selfish. As a result, I never learned to play sports so I was teased and bullied by my peers. There wasn’t money for me to go to college so I had to pay my own way which was really hard and I had to work at jobs that were terrible because I am female and I didn’t get paid as much as men who were doing the same thing. I am a victim of discrimination. Now I have been diagnosed with GAD and severe sleep apnea. I eat to comfort myself because of my horrible past and now I am obese. Because I am a victim and overweight my sleep apnea is chronic which makes me worry and escalates my GAD. I can’t exercise because every time I try I am reminded of how I was bullied as a child and it makes me cry. So I go buy a hamburger. I may have an eating disorder and with all the chemicals in the food that make me crave sugar and salt and HFCS I am now an addict to processed food. Life is too hard, so I have decided that I am going to stop using my CPAP machine because it impinges on my right to sleep comfortably. When I go completely insane because I am not getting oxygen to my brain I am going to strangle my child. I’ll tell the cameramen and reporters that I guess I gripped his neck too hard while disciplining him and I’ll have free room and board for the rest of my life. Maybe I’ll write a book and make lots of money and get a law degree because I will be a victim of the system. Or maybe I will go camp out on the bosque and scare bicyclists. Then the police will have to come shoot me for no reason and all of you can come put up a santuario in my memory because I am a victim and no one will help me.
It’s all true you know. I was abused as a child. I didn’t get glasses till eighth grade. I was bullied and teased. I am female. I do make less than my male counterparts. I do have GAD, sleep apnea and I am seriously overweight. I cried yesterday just thinking about doing a Crossfit WOD. And honestly, right now I would love to wrap my pudgy paws around a double green chile cheeseburger. I have every reason to check out of society and be unaccountable for my actions. I’m a free white American. I am entitled. I am privileged. My situation is everyone else’s fault and you can shoulder the consequences when I become homeless and sick. Only thing stopping me are four tiny words: It’s not about me…
Truth is, raw emotion is no filter for truth. Truth either is or isn’t and the truth is we all are accountable not only for ourselves but for others. When we sound off without fact checking, when we accuse without applying the litmus test of transparency we are no better than jackals at a carcass. We the people have championed organizations like the ACLU who quashed a form of a Kendra’s Law here in Albuquerque that would possibly have prevented James Boyd from camping out in the foothills in the first place. How does one propose to assist the homeless mentally ill when those same people are not required to even partake of one’s assistance? Perhaps we do it by protesting the very entities tasked to uphold the laws we helped get on the books? Ah yes, I see that we the free are due to have it both ways because we filter the law through our situational emotional barometer of personal right and wrong which may or may have little to nothing to do with truth. Life is precious and James was sick and cops are mean for using excessive force unless he had raped your daughter and she’s pregnant then you could shoot him and we can’t possibly force an unwanted pregnancy on your princess so we’ll terminate that pregnancy. Cuz it’s its ok to shoot a sick homeless rapist yourself and well everyone knows that children in New Mexico are disposable before and after birth. That’s why Omaree Varela’s mom can spout off with a comment like “I guess I kicked him too hard.” and we can blame APD for that too. Should the officers have used excessive force on her? Would we then have lit candles for a repeat child abuser? We’re doing it for a violent homeless man. Oh but mental illness puts you above accountability. I forgot about that.
Until we register that we are all accountable incidents like those involving James Boyd and Omaree Varela will continue to happen. We can yell at our law enforcement all we want. We can put flowers down. We can cry about taxpayers’ money because God knows we cry about paying taxes again, we want everything for nothing, but until we determine that we are the ones to blame, nothing will get fixed. And there’s only so much carcass to go around before the jackals are gnawing on your prized poodle.
I am responsible for myself. If I choose to play victim, I will always be fat, anxious and sleep deprived. That is my truth. Broccoli sucks. I hate Crossfit. And that CPAP machine is of the devil. But my consequence for my personal discomfort and accountability will be better health, peace, and emotional stamina to truly get out there and make the changes for those who really are disabled or incapable. It’s not enough to be the megaphone for the accuser. We must become the moving hands and feet of change. Pitchforks were designed for moving hay and excrement not brandishing at our fellow humans. Blocking traffic, spitting at cops and wearing Guy Fawkes masks on your head will not facilitate change. Volunteering at a hospital, a shelter, a food pantry – educating yourself on the LAWS that govern us, paying your taxes, showing up for life, yeah, those things – those things will facilitate change. I am not a victim and the truth is many of us do not understand the true meaning of that word.
Peace.
Stuff to google on your own
James Boyd
Omaree Varela
Kendra’s Law
John Hyde

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Responses

  1. Great post Mrs. Tammy! I agree with every word.


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